Dear Arthur and Sandra:

Yes, I have another issue that I would like to hear your input on. This one is one regarding dances. Lately, something has crossed my mind..well...i guess i always had this question in the back of my mind. Is going to dances wrong?

You might know that prom season is here...and my question is whether it is wrong for a Christian to go to prom? Since the music played at school dances are usually a bit risqué, will one be acting as a light onto others if Christians dance to these types of music? Of course, I am talking about non-provocative dancing...fun dancing with your friends.

And back to the issue of music...some music has cuss words in it or just inappropriate stuff and by putting yourself near these types of music by going to these dances it is easier to have these words pass through your own head. It has happened to me before. So I am a little confused at what to do. I kind of still want to go to dances and dance with my friends. How were dances like for you when you were in high school? Did you go to them and dance or did you stay away?

Thanks for your time!

We love hearing your thoughts and ponderings. Not only is it right and healthy, I wonder why more Christians that have the Holy Spirit living in their heart don't have these questions!!! Thanks you for encouraging us by taking the time to pass these questions by us. To start with, there are 2 very good books that have to do with purity in a Christian's life. They are Not even a Hint by Joshua Harris and The Purity Principle by Randy Alcorn. If you are ever in the Christian bookstore, you can try to get a hold of one or both books. You can also order them online.

I know how you are feeling. You asked me about my experience and background. Yes, I was also involved in going to dances up to about my junior year. In my junior year, I was on the pep squad so you can imagine my involvement with school activities, including dances. Somewhere in my junior year, my life and my direction were challenged and these things, all of a sudden, took a different light to me. What seemed so important and attractive, all of a sudden, seemed to pale and not seem so worthwhile.

I want to give you some things to consider in all your reflection. I don't want to give you a "rule" because God wants more than our "behavior"; He wants a heart that loves Him and knows that any "sacrifice" on our part is done to GAIN and EXPERIENCE greater reward, joy, and abundant life.

1. Purity will not be the popular way. In Matthew 7:13-14, the Bible says, "Enter by the narrow gate, for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it." You can't gauge what is right by what other people are doing, even your fellow Christians. The whole definition of greatness is someone who is willing to stand out by usually going against the flow. The same is true for purity. Dances, music and the whole social scene are the norm for teenagers. Yes, a lot of the music is sinful and offensive. I agree with your assessment about hearing the lyrics. Satan will use any means he can to get perverse ideas into our heads. Music and media are among his favorites. We do need to guard our eyes and our ears.

2. The perspective of the high school scene is totally unrealistic. The things that are meaningful in high school quickly become irrelevant in real life. Dances and such are such a big deal in high school. Take all those things like dances in stride. They are nice, but they are nothing to live for or become discouraged about. Kids these days spend so much time and money on these events. Girls that are asked to these dances feel flattered and I'm sure are a bit envied. In fact, they can sidetrack you from focusing on and recognizing the things that are really important. Dances can be a very me-centered activity focused on how I look, how I feel, what people are thinking about me, are guys noticing me, etc. Relationships in high school have very little reality in them. It is like going to Disneyland and thinking that this is what everyday life is like. High schoolers don't support themselves and are totally dependent on their parents. Most high schoolers still have "having fun" as one of their most pressing goals in their life.

3. The packaging doesn't negate sin. In The Purity Principle, Alcorn gave this analogy: "Suppose I said, "There's a great-looking girl down the street. Let's go look through her window and watch her undress, then pose for us naked, from waist up. Then this girl and her boyfriend will get in a car and have sex - let's listen and watch the windows steam up!" You'd be shocked. You'd think, What a pervert! But suppose instead I said, "Hey, come on over. Let's watch Titanic." Christians recommend this movie, church youth groups view it together, and many have shown it in their homes. Yet the movie contains precisely the scenes I described."

We need to be discerning in what "package" the sin and sinful thoughts come in. Arthur and I have long ago decided that the packaging of sin in a movie was unacceptable to us. Basically, you have to be honest and ponder whether dances are a fun wholesome activity or are a package in disguise in order to provide an atmosphere where profanity and immoral lust can flourish. It's just like a movie. Perhaps out of the 120 minutes, only 1 minute is offensive. Can the 119 minutes be worth the 1 minute of sin? The Bible tells us in II Timothy 2:20-22, "But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood, clay, some for honor and some for dishonor. Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the latter, he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the Master, prepared for every good work. Flee youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart."

I know you have mentioned before how you like having fun and making your friends laugh and such. That is a very special trait and I'm sure you are a great blessing to your friends. I also know that you have a sensitive conscience. It's good to try to bring some levity to others, but it can't be in ways that bring sadness to the Lord. Satan is the father of lies. His intent is to make God's children compromise and thereby become ineffective. There are two ways to put out a fire. One is by water and the other is by mud. If we allow dirt to come into our life by whatever avenue, we will diminish greatly our effectiveness for Him. People that are filled with God's spirit and truth have made a decision to let His word dictate what other things they allow in their lives.

It is a truism that you can't have everything. A person cannot want to be white and gray at the same time. If you choose to be white, you cannot be gray. If you choose to be gray, you cannot expect to be white. The difference between white and gray is that gray is white with just a little black mixed in it.

I will pray that you will take the steps of faith, yes, it does take faith, to choose the way that will bring honor and glorify your Lord. It is not glorifying to the Lord for His children to see how much they can get away with and still "not sin". A disobedient and disrespectful child thinks that way. Such a child should not expect his parent's blessings. An obedient child does all he or she can to make sure that he or she is well within the wishes or desires of his or her parents.

Write us back your thoughts. We will be awaiting your reply.

In His service,

Sandra (and Arthur)