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Dear Arthur and Sandra:

[My girlfriend and I] are going to a wedding [out of town]. [Person A's] friend (a girl) has an apartment we can stay at while we're there. I was wondering if you think that would be ok. I could stay at [Person B's] apartment while my girlfriend stays at [Person A's} apartment but [Person B's] apartment is 45 minutes away. We obviously wouldn't be "doing anything" if we stayed in the same apartment but wanted to get your opinion.

Thanks for the question and for seeking our opinion. We appreciate that.

Sandra and I believe that the best situation is for girls to stay with girls in their own apartment and for boys to stay with boys. That's the cleanest, clearest, most unambiguous, and wisest choice. That's our opinion.

We don't want evil to get even the slightest foot in the door even though, at the time, it may seem prudish or too strict, or legalistic. Let me give you an example that just happened this summer in fairly close circles that illustrates what we're talking about.

We know of two couples with families who were good friends, enjoyed each other's company and took vacations together. Seems harmless enough, accountable enough, healthy enough, right? A month ago, one of the wives left her husband and children to be with the other husband who left his wife and children. Two families that loved each other are now shattered.

I think it's safe to say that one contributing factor was being too close and too familiar with one another. The guard is let down, time is spent together, etc. Obviously, vacationing together and perhaps staying in the same cabins, etc. wasn't the real issue - a wicked heart was - but it was used as a channel for sin to operate.

Remember when I told you that you and your girlfriend are not at the stage in your relationship to where you should be able to see one another in the morning or at night in PJ's and unbrushed, etc.? That's the marriage stage. Your living arrangements should never be ahead of your stage of relationship. IT IS NEVER WRONG TO KEEP A PHYSICAL DISTANCE BEFORE MARRIAGE for the sake of purity and chastity. (Besides, it just makes marriage all the sweeter)

You and she should always opt for more discretion than less. The safer choice is almost always the better choice in these boy/girl instances. Leave nothing to anyone's imagination and do not give reason for anyone to even have a thought of impropriety. Don't even let them wonder.

BTW, besides your own reputation, her reputation is at stake. What kind of girl is she? What kind of decisions does she make? What standards does she have? Is she easy or will she stick to her guns and make the guy pursue her? What?! She stays with her boyfriend while on vacation?!, etc. Brother, do you see what I mean? Do you think her girlfriends here who know her and you will feel comfortable knowing she stays with you?

Our witness, our witness, our witness. We represent Christ, the best. Our choices should reflect that.

I'd be happy to discuss any of this with you if you'd like. Again, thanks for listening and soliciting our input. I hope you profit from it and don't regret it.

Wishing you our best.

Arthur and Sandra

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Total Devotion is the High School Fellowship at Mandarin Baptist Church of Los Angeles.

Total Devotion meets on every Friday night from 730 PM to 10 PM in Room 131 except for the last Friday of each month.