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Dear Arthur and Sandra:
Yes, I have another issue that I would like to hear your
input on. This one is one regarding dances. Lately, something
has crossed my mind..well...i guess i always had this question
in the back of my mind. Is going to dances wrong?
You might know that prom season is here...and my question
is whether it is wrong for a Christian to go to prom? Since
the music played at school dances are usually a bit risquí,
will one be acting as a light onto others if Christians dance
to these types of music? Of course, I am talking about non-provocative
dancing...fun dancing with your friends.
And back to the issue of music...some music has cuss words
in it or just inappropriate stuff and by putting yourself
near these types of music by going to these dances it is easier
to have these words pass through your own head. It has happened
to me before. So I am a little confused at what to do. I kind
of still want to go to dances and dance with my friends. How
were dances like for you when you were in high school? Did
you go to them and dance or did you stay away?
Thanks for your time!
We love hearing your thoughts and ponderings. Not only is
it right and healthy, I wonder why more Christians that have
the Holy Spirit living in their heart don't have these questions!!!
Thanks you for encouraging us by taking the time to pass these
questions by us. To start with, there are 2 very good books
that have to do with purity in a Christian's life. They are
Not even a Hint by Joshua Harris and The Purity Principle
by Randy Alcorn. If you are ever in the Christian bookstore,
you can try to get a hold of one or both books. You can also
order them online.
I know how you are feeling. You asked me about my experience
and background. Yes, I was also involved in going to dances
up to about my junior year. In my junior year, I was on the
pep squad so you can imagine my involvement with school activities,
including dances. Somewhere in my junior year, my life and
my direction were challenged and these things, all of a sudden,
took a different light to me. What seemed so important and
attractive, all of a sudden, seemed to pale and not seem so
worthwhile.
I want to give you some things to consider in all your reflection.
I don't want to give you a "rule" because God wants more than
our "behavior"; He wants a heart that loves Him and knows
that any "sacrifice" on our part is done to GAIN and EXPERIENCE
greater reward, joy, and abundant life.
1. Purity will not be the popular way. In Matthew
7:13-14, the Bible says, "Enter by the narrow gate, for wide
is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction,
and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the
gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there
are few who find it." You can't gauge what is right by what
other people are doing, even your fellow Christians. The whole
definition of greatness is someone who is willing to stand
out by usually going against the flow. The same is true for
purity. Dances, music and the whole social scene are the norm
for teenagers. Yes, a lot of the music is sinful and offensive.
I agree with your assessment about hearing the lyrics. Satan
will use any means he can to get perverse ideas into our heads.
Music and media are among his favorites. We do need to guard
our eyes and our ears.
2. The perspective of the high school scene is totally
unrealistic. The things that are meaningful in high school
quickly become irrelevant in real life. Dances and such are
such a big deal in high school. Take all those things like
dances in stride. They are nice, but they are nothing to live
for or become discouraged about. Kids these days spend so
much time and money on these events. Girls that are asked
to these dances feel flattered and I'm sure are a bit envied.
In fact, they can sidetrack you from focusing on and recognizing
the things that are really important. Dances can be a very
me-centered activity focused on how I look, how I feel, what
people are thinking about me, are guys noticing me, etc. Relationships
in high school have very little reality in them. It is like
going to Disneyland and thinking that this is what everyday
life is like. High schoolers don't support themselves and
are totally dependent on their parents. Most high schoolers
still have "having fun" as one of their most pressing goals
in their life.
3. The packaging doesn't negate sin. In The Purity
Principle, Alcorn gave this analogy: "Suppose I said, "There's
a great-looking girl down the street. Let's go look through
her window and watch her undress, then pose for us naked,
from waist up. Then this girl and her boyfriend will get in
a car and have sex - let's listen and watch the windows steam
up!" You'd be shocked. You'd think, What a pervert! But suppose
instead I said, "Hey, come on over. Let's watch Titanic."
Christians recommend this movie, church youth groups view
it together, and many have shown it in their homes. Yet the
movie contains precisely the scenes I described."
We need to be discerning in what "package" the sin and sinful
thoughts come in. Arthur and I have long ago decided that
the packaging of sin in a movie was unacceptable to us. Basically,
you have to be honest and ponder whether dances are a fun
wholesome activity or are a package in disguise in order to
provide an atmosphere where profanity and immoral lust can
flourish. It's just like a movie. Perhaps out of the 120 minutes,
only 1 minute is offensive. Can the 119 minutes be worth the
1 minute of sin? The Bible tells us in II Timothy 2:20-22,
"But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and
silver, but also of wood, clay, some for honor and some for
dishonor. Therefore if anyone cleanses himself from the latter,
he will be a vessel for honor, sanctified and useful for the
Master, prepared for every good work. Flee youthful lusts;
but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who
call on the Lord out of a pure heart."
I know you have mentioned before how you like having fun
and making your friends laugh and such. That is a very special
trait and I'm sure you are a great blessing to your friends.
I also know that you have a sensitive conscience. It's good
to try to bring some levity to others, but it can't be in
ways that bring sadness to the Lord. Satan is the father of
lies. His intent is to make God's children compromise and
thereby become ineffective. There are two ways to put out
a fire. One is by water and the other is by mud. If we allow
dirt to come into our life by whatever avenue, we will diminish
greatly our effectiveness for Him. People that are filled
with God's spirit and truth have made a decision to let His
word dictate what other things they allow in their lives.
It is a truism that you can't have everything. A person
cannot want to be white and gray at the same time. If you
choose to be white, you cannot be gray. If you choose to be
gray, you cannot expect to be white. The difference between
white and gray is that gray is white with just a little black
mixed in it.
I will pray that you will take the steps of faith, yes,
it does take faith, to choose the way that will bring honor
and glorify your Lord. It is not glorifying to the Lord for
His children to see how much they can get away with and still
"not sin". A disobedient and disrespectful child thinks that
way. Such a child should not expect his parent's blessings.
An obedient child does all he or she can to make sure that
he or she is well within the wishes or desires of his or her
parents.
Write us back your thoughts. We will be awaiting your reply.
In His service,
Sandra (and Arthur)
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